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Crusade by ~DraculaAzuri:iconDraculaAzuri:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Spoken Word


Spinning city
Blinding slits of light
Bending through the darkness
Indicating night

The time has come to run away
Find a place of my own
Jump into the streets and go explore the unknown

Broken dreams litter the streets
I wont let it happen to me
Just keep going
And find a place to be

Long nights past since I left that boarded room in my self
Sometimes I long for a return
Before remembering why I left
I then only want for it to burn

Even if it takes forever
And I only find the salvation of a wooden bed
I will know that I have tried
And I have lived up to what I said
©2005-2009 ~DraculaAzuri
:icondraculaazuri:

Author's Comments

yea, i'm not sure if i put this in the right catigories, i think i did

well, anyway, i do really like this peice, i can actually see what was happening as i wrote this. like a story, a million things thaat happened and ended, if you don't like it be nice!

Comments


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:icontawni-adosi:
~Tawni-Adosi Sep 28, 2005, 4:54:35 PM
"I will know that I have tried
And I have lived up to what I said"

Great Job :clap:

--
Since when was the world right side up?

"Art is the antidote that can call us back from the edge of numbness, restoring our ability to feel for another." -Barbera Kingslaver

[link]

Founder of ~ShatteredTogether
:iconinfiniteone:
~InfiniteOne Sep 28, 2005, 4:57:31 PM
Great job...nice narrative..

--
May we meet again in paradise.
:iconinfiniteone:
~InfiniteOne Sep 28, 2005, 4:58:37 PM
Great job...nice narrative..

--
May we meet again in paradise.
:iconpanthers-enigma:
~Panthers-Enigma Sep 28, 2005, 5:00:43 PM
Hmmm, interesting. =) I like the setting. =D However, I would suggest you work towards a more consistent rhythm. =)
:icondraculaazuri:
~DraculaAzuri Sep 28, 2005, 5:01:57 PM
thanks

--
:dance: 'till you can't :dance: no more!
:icondraculaazuri:
~DraculaAzuri Sep 28, 2005, 5:02:41 PM
yea, i was worrying about that when i wrote it ^^;

--
:dance: 'till you can't :dance: no more!
:iconforbiddensnowflake:
!forbiddensnowflake Oct 4, 2005, 5:56:21 PM
1st stanza:
this is a nice opening, though I do feel you could maybe drop the 'crusade:' at the very beginning.

2nd stanza:
perhaps replace 'and go' with a comma, might neaten it up a little.

3rd stanza:
to me this one seems a little less strong than the previous two.

4th stanza:
'my self' should be 'myself'. the first line is also very long if you say it outloud against the others.

5th stanza:
I don't understand the second line. it seems like a bit of a random image.

the poem as a whole:
each stanza seems a little distant from each other, try working on connecting them all a little bit. Also try to use some punctuation, makes it easier to read.

--
Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
:icondraculaazuri:
~DraculaAzuri Oct 4, 2005, 5:58:21 PM
ok good suggestions, the crusade at the begining is actually just the title, not a part of the poem ^^;

--
:dance: 'till you can't :dance: no more!
:iconsecondhandsmiles:
!SecondhandSmiles Dec 19, 2005, 4:16:04 PM
I like that last stanza. It's so relatable.

--
reach out and touch faith!
inappropriately.
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